Comments on: The Pastor, The Affair and Social Networks http://www.yourministryhelper.com/the-pastor-the-affair-and-social-networks.html tips and solutions for the business side of ministry Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:24:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: SurvivorGirl007 http://www.yourministryhelper.com/the-pastor-the-affair-and-social-networks.html/comment-page-1#comment-14849 SurvivorGirl007 Wed, 03 Nov 2010 23:52:28 +0000 http://www.yourministryhelper.com/?p=608#comment-14849 Calling it an "affair" is actually a misnomer -- it is abuse. Because of the power differential between a pastor and a congregant (or a therapist and a client), a relationship between the two can never be consensual. Pastors have a fiduciary responsibility to establish and maintain appropriate boundaries with their congregants. If he becomes romantically involved with a woman in his congregation, he is totally responsible - even if she pursues him. I'm not saying that she didn't play a part and that she has no sin to confess in it, but the onus before God is on the pastor. He professed before God to protect his flock; falling for one of his parishioners is not love but an abuse of his power, and the woman is the victim - every time. I know from experience that this can wreak havoc on one's emotional, spiritual and physical health. Clergy Sexual Abuse (CSA) and Clergy Sexual Misconduct (CSM) are rampant in the church. The only way to stop it is to educate congregations about what it really is. For more information, visit www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/ and www.thehopeofsurvivors.com. Calling it an “affair” is actually a misnomer — it is abuse. Because of the power differential between a pastor and a congregant (or a therapist and a client), a relationship between the two can never be consensual. Pastors have a fiduciary responsibility to establish and maintain appropriate boundaries with their congregants. If he becomes romantically involved with a woman in his congregation, he is totally responsible – even if she pursues him. I’m not saying that she didn’t play a part and that she has no sin to confess in it, but the onus before God is on the pastor. He professed before God to protect his flock; falling for one of his parishioners is not love but an abuse of his power, and the woman is the victim – every time. I know from experience that this can wreak havoc on one’s emotional, spiritual and physical health. Clergy Sexual Abuse (CSA) and Clergy Sexual Misconduct (CSM) are rampant in the church. The only way to stop it is to educate congregations about what it really is. For more information, visit http://www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/ and http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com.

]]> By: Valerie Johnson http://www.yourministryhelper.com/the-pastor-the-affair-and-social-networks.html/comment-page-1#comment-3819 Valerie Johnson Sat, 27 Jun 2009 12:51:48 +0000 http://www.yourministryhelper.com/?p=608#comment-3819 Hello Coram, Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I was unaware that the name appeared in the browser window. It is a result of using the name in my search engine optimization for people who were doing a specific search. I had no idea it would appear in the browser. Hello Coram, Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I was unaware that the name appeared in the browser window. It is a result of using the name in my search engine optimization for people who were doing a specific search. I had no idea it would appear in the browser.

]]> By: Coram Deo http://www.yourministryhelper.com/the-pastor-the-affair-and-social-networks.html/comment-page-1#comment-3748 Coram Deo Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:32:27 +0000 http://www.yourministryhelper.com/?p=608#comment-3748 Greetings, I don't mean this in an accusatory way, and perhaps you simply titled your piece before you finished writing, or perhaps you thought better of "naming names" during the edit process, but the title of your piece identfies the pastor that you decline to identify in the body of your post - at least it does so in my browser window. This being said your intent is clearly noble and charitable, therefore I want to reiterate that I'm not crying "foul", rather I'm just making an observation. In Christ, CD Greetings,

I don’t mean this in an accusatory way, and perhaps you simply titled your piece before you finished writing, or perhaps you thought better of “naming names” during the edit process, but the title of your piece identfies the pastor that you decline to identify in the body of your post – at least it does so in my browser window.

This being said your intent is clearly noble and charitable, therefore I want to reiterate that I’m not crying “foul”, rather I’m just making an observation.

In Christ,
CD

]]> By: Valerie Johnson http://www.yourministryhelper.com/the-pastor-the-affair-and-social-networks.html/comment-page-1#comment-3353 Valerie Johnson Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:59:03 +0000 http://www.yourministryhelper.com/?p=608#comment-3353 @Kathy, thanks for your comments and insight. Unfortunately, when our egos, emotions and libidos get in the way, we don't think before we act. Usually the only thing we think is that we won't get caught. @ Dawn, I'm glad you are able to get so me closure. I also read quite a few blog posts about this situation. Some were positive posts that promote forgiveness and prayer for the pastor and his family. Others bordered on cruel and were quite condemning. One of the things I wish I had put in the post is to pray for the woman involved and her family. I don't know who pursued whom, but I do know that two families have been devastated and for some reason people are not usually forgiving of "the other woman." Her husband, children (if she has any), parents and in-laws are affected by this as well. @Kathy, thanks for your comments and insight. Unfortunately, when our egos, emotions and libidos get in the way, we don’t think before we act. Usually the only thing we think is that we won’t get caught.

@ Dawn, I’m glad you are able to get so me closure. I also read quite a few blog posts about this situation. Some were positive posts that promote forgiveness and prayer for the pastor and his family. Others bordered on cruel and were quite condemning.

One of the things I wish I had put in the post is to pray for the woman involved and her family. I don’t know who pursued whom, but I do know that two families have been devastated and for some reason people are not usually forgiving of “the other woman.” Her husband, children (if she has any), parents and in-laws are affected by this as well.

]]> By: Dawn http://www.yourministryhelper.com/the-pastor-the-affair-and-social-networks.html/comment-page-1#comment-3352 Dawn Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:27:16 +0000 http://www.yourministryhelper.com/?p=608#comment-3352 These are the best posts I have seen about the whole situation. I have experience with this church and that pastor. We watched him go from a driven, Godly man into a narcissistic ego-maniac. I believe this transition was partly due to the internet exposure which comes wholly from Satan's power to steal and destroy. I know that I have spent entirely too much time on this issue thereby falling into Satan's trap myself. As for me, thanks to both of your posts I now have closure. I too will continue to pray for ALL involved, especially his sweet wife and children. These are the best posts I have seen about the whole situation. I have experience with this church and that pastor. We watched him go from a driven, Godly man into a narcissistic ego-maniac. I believe this transition was partly due to the internet exposure which comes wholly from Satan’s power to steal and destroy. I know that I have spent entirely too much time on this issue thereby falling into Satan’s trap myself. As for me, thanks to both of your posts I now have closure. I too will continue to pray for ALL involved, especially his sweet wife and children.

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